ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
