Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think my vagina is haunted
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
