Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
