I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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