dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
