I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
