So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
