WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
