last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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