I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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