I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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