watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
