508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
