Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
