I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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