I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
