I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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