I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
