that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
