I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
