im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
