after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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