I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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