I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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