Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just pee around me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
