I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
