So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
