I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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