So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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