I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
