I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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