Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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