This is not my ceiling
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
