I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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