Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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