Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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