all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
