Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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