I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
