What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
