update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
