You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
