Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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