so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
