Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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