I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
