I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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