What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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