My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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