if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
