Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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