Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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