this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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