I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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