I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
