I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
